Everything happens for a reason…even if we don’t know what that reason is just yet.

This is something I tell myself everyday. It’s something I try to live by, along with my beliefs in karma and fate. 

There’s always alot of skepticism regarding these things. Ive met alot of people who dont believe  and i understand and respect that. I love the conversations and debates I can get into over it. In reality I don’t care if someone dosent believe, that’s their choice.  Im like that about alot of things. I just like to try get people to expand their thinking and look at things from another angle.

But anyway. One very common misnomer i I found though, is Many believe that those who believe in fate, spend there lives just accepting whatever happens and have no drive to actually work for things because they think that if their destined for something bigger than it will just happen because fate deems it so…😂😂😂. 

Okay so yes, there is some truth in that but not in all of it. Not in the part where they believe there is no drive For believers of fate. yes, there are some who do sit back with their hands out waiting for the easy way, that they believe they are destined to have…(I’ll let the ellipses speak for my thoughts on that) but majority of people (who I’ve met anyway) do not think this way at all. They believe you have to work for it, but the way will only open when you are ready for it. Not before or after you are ready.

For me,  it means I rely on my intuition alot.  I will think about and do things and see it they feel right. (Like i think most people generally should.) I believe that you have to work hard but the reasons I choose to believe is, like many others, believing makes it easier for me to handle the struggles and hardships life always seems to throw at you.

It’s very hard not to dwell on the negative things that happen to you and the others around you. Many times you just feel as though lifes unfair and struggle to keep your head afloat. I know I do. I’ve battled with depression from the age of 14, it might of been younger, but 14 was when I finally started getting help for it.

Telling myself everything happens for a reason, even when I get real low, is me telling myself to have patience. Patience that even though things seem bad, that the reason those things happened will one day reveal themselves and it will make sense.  It’s a hard and challenging way to look at it but it’s accepting that something will come from the hardship you endured if you just wait. Not because your owed it, but because that belief makes it easier to tell yourself not to dwell on the hardships and struggles but use it to carry on and push through it. It can only get better and the balance will one day restore itself.

I know there are many situations and times where belief like that means nothing to people and can just fuck right off. I understand that as well. Some things are just too painful. This is just how I convince my 21 year old self to keep going and pushing.

One example for me trusting in fate (that is relatively mundane and not that heavy) is my knee.

When I was 17, I played rugby. I was in several women’s teams as well as high school teams, and I was looking to cinch a spot hopefully, playing overseas. What I really wanted, was to go to the USA. My back up plan was the army. But I ended up blowing out my knee. Not a big deal to alot of people but my physicality was my ticket. And the sport and The army were my dreams. The reconstruction failed and I needed another, but after 4 years of repeated surgeries and physio 3 times a week, bottom line is my knee is fucked. I will never play sport to the level I was at again. if I pushed and manage to, it will be a short career with alot of suffering afterward, and at a much younger age, and essentially not worth the risk. The army was out of the equation for the same reasons. The two things I had wanted to do with my life, were no longer an option.

So what did I do? Nothing 😁. My depression flaired exponentially during this time because I was too busy wallowing in my self pity and sulking about lost opportunities. But they were my dreams, and dreams I had just lost. Than finally I started to talk to myself more and more about everything happening for a reason, And fate..it took a while but I eventually ended up having alot more up days than down.

So now, When I get low, i sit and try to think about all the things i would have missed if I hadn’t blown my knee. A week after i blew my knee, a girl from my high school suffered a heart embolism and I, on my crutches, was the first responder who administered cpr. I was later told that she should have died and the cpr saved her life. The thing was, I was suppose to be on a snowboarding trip but had to miss it due to obvious injury. I was never meant to be at school that day. That same week I was at home resting from overdoing it when the neighbours dog broke came onto our property and attacked our dogs. She almost killed our puppy girl but I once again overdid it and got to her. She ended up with a 2 and a half thousand dollar vet Bill but living. Everyone agreed that if nobody was home to stop it (which I wouldn’t of been) she would have died. 

These things I remind myself of, not to be a big headed egomaniac, but to tell myself, to stop being a dick. These are reasons why you were meant to be hurt. If you weren’t hurt, you wouldn’t of been where they needed you to be. 

I was able to met people I would of otherwise never met who helped me grow. I was able to be there to support my two best friends through their miscarraiges, when I would otherwise be overseas. I was able to farewell people who were important to me when they were at the end, and I was even able to fall in love, but thats another story. all of thus was only possible because an injury kept me home to experience it all.

Little things like that, that you make big things, help keep the depression at bay. And the ideals, though sceptical and illogical too many,  are helping me keep going and find new dreams and goals. I tell myself that fate must have other plans for me so I better get my ass into gear and go find them. I throw myself into anything and everything, keeping an eye out for the doors that open and wether or not I feel like this could be my calling. 

My point is, my belief in fate, karma and that everything happens for a reason, helps me to make peace with hardships and struggles. It helps me slowly turn those negatives into positives and push myself to my potential. Yes it’s a struggle and my mental health is another barrier, but I fully believe and trust these ideals, because really what have I got to lose otherwise. There’s no harm in it and it makes me that little bit more content and happier believing that there is something more out there and all I have to do is follow my intuotion to find it. And when I finally do, it will be worth the Rocky and at times outright dangerous path to get there.

What do you  make of that?

Moeaere ✌🏼

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On your mark…

This is not my first time blogging and yet everytime i start one I struggle with an intro. But this time I’m doing things a little differently. This time, it’s more personal.

I’m usually held back by mental restrictions and fears about what to do say or write. I let it rule me just like societal expectations do to us all in everyday life. But after a series of really crappy and unfortunate events, I’ve decided that no. I’ve had enough. Its time to do me in all my unfiltered glory.

This is me pushing my boundaries and finding myself. Finding myself by letting the world see me and refusing to hide anymore.

So who am I? I’m a small rural town biracial 21 year old woman from new zealand. One of the ones with her head in the clouds, heart on her sleeve and the overopinionated tenacity that all “mellenial’s” seem to have these days.

These are my thoughts, opinions and general randomness prompted by the world we live in. Everything from politics, theories, comparisons, sexuality and books I’ve read to my favorite nerf guns, sweets and why I think avatar is one of the greatest cartoon series to grace the earth. there will also inevitably be more personal topics of friends, family,  mental health and loves and losses. 

This is my safe place. My online diary of sorts, where I can express myself fully and without restriction.
My name is Moeaere. I am a dreamer, stuck in a world of realists…or am I the realist in a world of dreamers? These days it’s hard to tell.

Moeaere ✌🏼